I had a great time watching old movies with Dad, Grandma, and Great-Grandma in them tonight. What awesome memories with even more awesome people. I have been blessed with an exceptional family, one that is supportive, loving, and most importantly full of goofy people who love joking around. Unfortunately some of our most respected and loved family members are no longer with us, and it got me to thinking. How long does it take for memories to fade?
My favorite practical joker, Dad, passed away almost four and a half years ago. As I watched those old movies, it seemed like memories of when we were all happy and healthy were so packed away in my brain's archives that it never happened. How disturbing. I forgot how deep my father's voice was, and his hearty laugh, and even how he used to make us all smile and laugh, even if his jokes weren't funny. I miss him so much every day, and yet I somehow lost touch with the man he used to be before his illness. It used to make me sick to my stomach to think of the day when memories would start to fade, so much that I convinced myself that it would never happen.
One of the videos I watched tonight was a family Christmas from ten years ago. Dad was joking around as he opened presents, Mom played through some Beatles music on the piano (we're very traditional), my Grandpa was all smiles, and the rest of the family was buzzing around enjoying each other's company. How great it would be if everyone were still around. I miss Grandma's big smile, Great-Grandma laughing so hard we couldn't understand her accent, and Dad taking pictures. I'm not saying my family isn't still fun, and we aren't happy. We are definitely still happy, act immature, and have a lot of fun. It is just different.
The second video I watched was of Great-Grandma making our favorite Orange Rice. Not only was it great watching one of the most influential women in my life teach me how to make a tasty tradition, but listening to her witty phrases. "Your husband don't eat no vegetables, just corn!" "She doesn't like when I salt her food." "I usually wear mine white hat when I cook so hairs don't get in the food, but I want to look good for dat thing (points at the video camera)." "I'll just make him taste it." She is the woman who taught me to really appreciate family and to really value the people I came to know in love in my life. She also taught me that, when things aren't going well, you have to make your own happiness. I've learned so many great things from her, and I find myself still talking about her often.
My dad taught me a lot too, and I find myself acting like him more and more every day. I try to be unbiased, to "kill em with kindness," not let life's hardships get in the way of what I truely want to accomplish, eat lots of meat and potatoes, and act goofy whenever I can get away with it. I'm definitely not as good as him at leaving work at work, and I do have a bit more of a temper (oops), but I feel like I got all of his good qualities. Dad was the type of person you hoped you could be. He was the best father anyone could ever ask for, and watching those videos made me feel so lucky, and so honored, to get to have 22 years with such a wonderful person. The one thing I really, really wish he was still around for is my wedding, if that ever happens.
Almost every wedding I go to brings a wave of tears when I see a father walking his daughter down the aisle, or during the father daughter dance. Whenever I think of that distant day I always remember how my Mom and Dad would practice dancing to bed after his stroke, Mom saying, "we have to practice for Jen's future wedding." Tears would well up in his eyes as he thought about it. If anything makes me sad, it is that I am going to miss out on those very important traditions with him. No matter what, I know he will be there in spirit, but I'll definitely wish he was there to give my future hubs a hard time, as well as celebrate a new chapter of my life.
I've really missed talking to him, my Grandma, and Great-Grandma since they have all passed. Like I said before, the family has always been supportive of one another, and it would have been nice to celebrate new jobs, get advice when I lost what I thought would be my career, work on the house together, or just to cause some trouble :) I know this has been a long post, but I think through all of my thinking aloud, what is most important is that your family and loved ones will always be in your heart, even if some of those old memories start to fade. I know the family members I miss will all be with me in spirit, no matter what I'm going through, and have helped me become the person I am today. You can't forget the people that have become bits and pieces of your soul. I wouldn't change the time I got to spend with them in any way, and I'm extremely fortunate to have such a great family. I wish everyone were as lucky.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Down for the Count
It started off as a normal weekend. Went to an awesome 80s prom birthday with the boyfriend and then out with my brother on Friday. Saturday consisted of shopping with a friend, my nephew's birthday party, and an unplanned outing at the pub on Saturday night.
Then Sunday happened.
I woke up and fainted four times between 7:30am and 12:30pm today. The first time, sending me into the bathroom from the hallway, causing a bruised hand, nose, knee, a bitten tongue, and a big bump on the head. "John" and the couch were my best friends today. The boyfriend was my saving grace and I am so very thankful he came by to take care of me. Not only did he get me ice for my hand, but saltines and water, and got me all set up in the living room. He also made sure to catch me the other three times I fainted, which I know is very scary to have to deal with. Whenever I faint, my body goes rigid, I stop breathing for a few seconds, and then, start gasping for air and wake up, like a creepy zombie coming back to life. I'm sure it is simply surreal. What is even better, is my boyfriend knows exactly what to do, and exactly how to brighten any negative situation. We continued our 80s theme from the weekend and watched "Earth Girls are Easy" and then decided to go back in time and watch Andy Kaufman's "Inter-Gender Wrestling Champion of the World." Both movies were hilarious, even if Kaufman was a bit sexist ha ha! Below is some footage from Kaufman's wrestling career.
Anywho, despite today's events, and dealing with battle scars, I still feel very lucky to have such a great guy in my life, as well as great family and friends. I'm truly blessed. Now I just have to find a doctor that knows what is going on! No more fainting allowed.
Night all!
Then Sunday happened.
I woke up and fainted four times between 7:30am and 12:30pm today. The first time, sending me into the bathroom from the hallway, causing a bruised hand, nose, knee, a bitten tongue, and a big bump on the head. "John" and the couch were my best friends today. The boyfriend was my saving grace and I am so very thankful he came by to take care of me. Not only did he get me ice for my hand, but saltines and water, and got me all set up in the living room. He also made sure to catch me the other three times I fainted, which I know is very scary to have to deal with. Whenever I faint, my body goes rigid, I stop breathing for a few seconds, and then, start gasping for air and wake up, like a creepy zombie coming back to life. I'm sure it is simply surreal. What is even better, is my boyfriend knows exactly what to do, and exactly how to brighten any negative situation. We continued our 80s theme from the weekend and watched "Earth Girls are Easy" and then decided to go back in time and watch Andy Kaufman's "Inter-Gender Wrestling Champion of the World." Both movies were hilarious, even if Kaufman was a bit sexist ha ha! Below is some footage from Kaufman's wrestling career.
Anywho, despite today's events, and dealing with battle scars, I still feel very lucky to have such a great guy in my life, as well as great family and friends. I'm truly blessed. Now I just have to find a doctor that knows what is going on! No more fainting allowed.
Night all!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I have a confession to make...
I am scared of my basement. I refuse to go down there at night unless there is a life-threatening disaster, and I always, always, try to get up the stairs and have the door closed in less than ten seconds, even if it is during the day. Why you ask? Because everyone knows that all of the creepy things that live down there can attack you at any moment. Bounding up the stairs, skipping one or two at a time doesn't get me out of there fast enough, and I frequently trip up the stairs as I run for my life. Note to self: stop wearing floppy slippers when you do laundry.
This post was originally going to be about how nice it is to reconnect with old friends, but I ate chocolate too late (typical) and when I started writing and reflecting on my day, specifically about when I showed my long lost friend the dark scary closet in my basement that looks like it should be in a horror flick, my brain started running a mile a minute about things no sane adult really thinks about....like the scary things that live in basements. That also had to be one of the most amazing run-on sentences I have ever created...wait...was that really a run-on? Whatever...I can't go off on a tangent here.
When I think of my basement and the two very creepy closets, I get this mental image of angry spirits coming after me. The closet near my washer and dryer came with skull and crossbones spray painted on them, which I'll take as some sort of warning, however it is the only closet I'll store my boxes in. Maybe I should just look at them as a reminder to paint the basement. That would be the "adult" thing to do.
The other closet, which is much more creepy, resembles the bunks at a concentration camp. It used to be the old coal room. The floor is permanently black, the shelves are dark, and you have to walk to the center as spiderwebs brush past your face to turn on the light. This is not my ideal closet space. I'm so scared of that side of the basement, that I keep the doors closed as often as possible. This is also a reminder that vacuuming the scary side of the basement is also the responsible "adult" thing to do.
The other side of my basement, which isn't scary at all, has awesome wood paneling, old furniture, and resembles "That 70's Show." There is an old turntable, a big built in shelf, orange stripy couch, and oval woven rug. It's pretty awesome. Even though there is nothing "off" about that part of the room, I am somehow still creeped out by it, and have to hurry up the stairs.
I must be a crazy person for even admitting to all this, but I'm hoping that writing it all down will help me realize how foolish I am for still being scared of my own basement. How ridiculous! This all has to do with a general fear of the unknown. For example, if I went tubing or water skiing in Lake Michigan, I would be scared to death of falling off and getting a leg bitten off by a huge fish, only because I couldn't see anything beneath the water's surface. Maybe that isn't a good example, but it is the one I'm going to use. Maybe I watch too many episodes of "River Monsters." Either way, I think 1:30am is too late to still be rambling about my fear of the basement and I'm going to tuck myself in! I know that I'll be having nightmares tonight!!
This post was originally going to be about how nice it is to reconnect with old friends, but I ate chocolate too late (typical) and when I started writing and reflecting on my day, specifically about when I showed my long lost friend the dark scary closet in my basement that looks like it should be in a horror flick, my brain started running a mile a minute about things no sane adult really thinks about....like the scary things that live in basements. That also had to be one of the most amazing run-on sentences I have ever created...wait...was that really a run-on? Whatever...I can't go off on a tangent here.
When I think of my basement and the two very creepy closets, I get this mental image of angry spirits coming after me. The closet near my washer and dryer came with skull and crossbones spray painted on them, which I'll take as some sort of warning, however it is the only closet I'll store my boxes in. Maybe I should just look at them as a reminder to paint the basement. That would be the "adult" thing to do.
The other closet, which is much more creepy, resembles the bunks at a concentration camp. It used to be the old coal room. The floor is permanently black, the shelves are dark, and you have to walk to the center as spiderwebs brush past your face to turn on the light. This is not my ideal closet space. I'm so scared of that side of the basement, that I keep the doors closed as often as possible. This is also a reminder that vacuuming the scary side of the basement is also the responsible "adult" thing to do.
The other side of my basement, which isn't scary at all, has awesome wood paneling, old furniture, and resembles "That 70's Show." There is an old turntable, a big built in shelf, orange stripy couch, and oval woven rug. It's pretty awesome. Even though there is nothing "off" about that part of the room, I am somehow still creeped out by it, and have to hurry up the stairs.
I must be a crazy person for even admitting to all this, but I'm hoping that writing it all down will help me realize how foolish I am for still being scared of my own basement. How ridiculous! This all has to do with a general fear of the unknown. For example, if I went tubing or water skiing in Lake Michigan, I would be scared to death of falling off and getting a leg bitten off by a huge fish, only because I couldn't see anything beneath the water's surface. Maybe that isn't a good example, but it is the one I'm going to use. Maybe I watch too many episodes of "River Monsters." Either way, I think 1:30am is too late to still be rambling about my fear of the basement and I'm going to tuck myself in! I know that I'll be having nightmares tonight!!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Inspired
I've been inspired to write a blog for some time now, to share experiences and stories, and most importantly, life's funny moments. I'm sure I'll get to post about trials and tribulations along the way, but as my memory starts to go at the ripe old age of 26, I feel like I have to start documenting, well, everything. In fact, if I don't write something down, it is lost forever. This is hopefully going to be a collection of memories I can look back on.
To be completely honest, and I'm aware this is not a good way to start, 2012 has been an absolute rollercoaster. I've lost the job I thought was going to be my career, had a tonsillectomy, and have been sick on and off for three long months. Though it has been hard, I have also learned from these hardships about what really matters.
I've had an absolutely wonderful time spending the extra time I have with my family and friends, love watching my nephew grow up and into his own personality, having a cleaner house, and of course the awesome weight loss! What is even greater is having more time to do what I love each and every day. I consider myself lucky. I'm blessed with wonderful family and friends, a loving and supportive boyfriend, to be part of great organizations, and hopefully with the winning numbers to tonight's $640,000,000 Mega Millions jackpot! One can hope, right?? I'll get into some of the nitty gritty.
At the end of 2011 I was elected as Publicity Chair for the American Croatian Waukegan Tamburitzans, something I was nervous, but excited about. I've been a life-long member of the organization that my Great Aunt and Uncle started years ago, but anxious that I wouldn't do the position justice. Now that I have had some time in the role, gathering group information and crafting the ever important group newsletter, our 40th Anniversary and Alumni Reunion is coming up, and I've gained some new confidence and have become even more excited. I am a big planner, organized almost to a fault, and probably a bit neurotic. With an event planner background, I jumped at the chance to assist with the alumni committee, as well as continue to serve the board. The reunion is sure to be a blast, and we have come up with great ideas for the picnic as well. Putting my energy into events is what I love best, and I'm glad I get to help plan for the fun weekend. Though I want to go through everything that has been discussed, I can't share any information until it is officially planned! Members, I guess you will have to wait!
In addition to planning for the 40th Anniversary events for the Waukegan Tamburitzans, and the groups' upcoming performances, I have continued to be a member of the Kenosha Choral Arts Society, and am so thankful for the opportunity I have to sing Schubert's Mass No. 2 in G Major again, as well as the friendships I've made through the choir. I love, love, love to sing, and live to do that, play cello, and bisernica. I am so happy that these groups are keeping me busy. Life without music would just be mute!
While losing my job was rough in the beginning, I'm looking at this as a long, very extended weekend, and a fresh new start. I won't be able to hang out with my family and sing full time forever, but I plan to enjoy it all. I know for a fact that I can find a much bigger opportunity, at a company that actually values their employees, and with much better morale. I'm looking forward to finding a company and a job that make me happy, that allows me to continue doing what I do best! If anything, I've had extra time to accomplish outside projects, spend time with the people I love, and become inspired to continue to reach for bigger and better things. If I win the $640,000,000 jackpot in Mega Millions tonight though, I might just have to extend my "vacation." :)
To be completely honest, and I'm aware this is not a good way to start, 2012 has been an absolute rollercoaster. I've lost the job I thought was going to be my career, had a tonsillectomy, and have been sick on and off for three long months. Though it has been hard, I have also learned from these hardships about what really matters.
I've had an absolutely wonderful time spending the extra time I have with my family and friends, love watching my nephew grow up and into his own personality, having a cleaner house, and of course the awesome weight loss! What is even greater is having more time to do what I love each and every day. I consider myself lucky. I'm blessed with wonderful family and friends, a loving and supportive boyfriend, to be part of great organizations, and hopefully with the winning numbers to tonight's $640,000,000 Mega Millions jackpot! One can hope, right?? I'll get into some of the nitty gritty.
At the end of 2011 I was elected as Publicity Chair for the American Croatian Waukegan Tamburitzans, something I was nervous, but excited about. I've been a life-long member of the organization that my Great Aunt and Uncle started years ago, but anxious that I wouldn't do the position justice. Now that I have had some time in the role, gathering group information and crafting the ever important group newsletter, our 40th Anniversary and Alumni Reunion is coming up, and I've gained some new confidence and have become even more excited. I am a big planner, organized almost to a fault, and probably a bit neurotic. With an event planner background, I jumped at the chance to assist with the alumni committee, as well as continue to serve the board. The reunion is sure to be a blast, and we have come up with great ideas for the picnic as well. Putting my energy into events is what I love best, and I'm glad I get to help plan for the fun weekend. Though I want to go through everything that has been discussed, I can't share any information until it is officially planned! Members, I guess you will have to wait!
In addition to planning for the 40th Anniversary events for the Waukegan Tamburitzans, and the groups' upcoming performances, I have continued to be a member of the Kenosha Choral Arts Society, and am so thankful for the opportunity I have to sing Schubert's Mass No. 2 in G Major again, as well as the friendships I've made through the choir. I love, love, love to sing, and live to do that, play cello, and bisernica. I am so happy that these groups are keeping me busy. Life without music would just be mute!
While losing my job was rough in the beginning, I'm looking at this as a long, very extended weekend, and a fresh new start. I won't be able to hang out with my family and sing full time forever, but I plan to enjoy it all. I know for a fact that I can find a much bigger opportunity, at a company that actually values their employees, and with much better morale. I'm looking forward to finding a company and a job that make me happy, that allows me to continue doing what I do best! If anything, I've had extra time to accomplish outside projects, spend time with the people I love, and become inspired to continue to reach for bigger and better things. If I win the $640,000,000 jackpot in Mega Millions tonight though, I might just have to extend my "vacation." :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)